There is No Reason

i feel the weight of all the anger
burden down on me
hearing heartbeats slow down
this poison lurks in veins and nerves
killing you subtly…

there are so many things i would like to tell you. so many things i would want you to know about me and my condition. for a long while, i believed you were the closest thing i had to a brother and so i treated you like it. when i finally realized you actually were, you still don’t know how happy i was then…

i’d hate to say that i regret it, but sometimes, yes, i do. in the four corners of my white room, sitting there alone like there’s something out to get me if i move even the tiniest muscle of my body, i relive everything we’ve been through–all of us.

and i want to know…

how the hell i came to this.

the blame is all on me. i don’t plan on giving it to anyone. this, whatever’s happening to me, is my own wrong doing. don’t waste your time feeling guilty or trying to fix this. don’t ever kill yourself for me. don’t ever stay up late for me. no…

Don’t you dare.

Kuya zeke… kuya zeke… kuya zeke… kuya zeke…. kuya zeke…. kuya zeke….kuya zeke… kuya zeke… kuya zeke… kuya zeke… kuya zeke…. kuya zeke.. kuya zeke… kuya zeke… kuya zeke… kuya zeke…. kuya zeke… kuya zeke….

(…)

honey daet…. honey daet… honey daet… honey daet…. honey daet….. honey daet…. honey daet….honey daet… honey daet… honey daet… honey daet… honey daet… honey daet… honey daet… honey daet… honey daet….

i love mah honey-boney-woney daet!!!

BIG SMILE!!!!

let your tears run dry
let your body weep
let yourself taste ashes
let your soul feel

you see…
she is gone.
she is no longer here.
she is underneath the cold pave.
where bugs feed off her flesh
and nibble at her skin

let your eyes water
let your words run out
let your heart continue its beating
let yourself feel love

you see…
she isn’t your wife
she isn’t the one you had with
she isn’t the girl you love
…the girl you dream about
she isn’t here now
she’s down there
where’s it’s warm
hot…
burning…
taking it with her.
it sleeps…
it sleeps as long as it has her…

hey, look at me…
I’m not asking you to love me.

In fact, what I did for you yesterday…
it’s my way of letting go.
I can’t make you happy. I know this.
(…all too well.)
I don’t plan on being the one to give you your life
although I’ve wished for it so many times…
No…I don’t plan on hoping for a dream-come-true scenario
where you come up behind me, hold me and tell me you love me
…cos I know that could never be.
and it will never be.

I may not be the one you spend your life with,
but I am the reason you live a life with her.
Without me…
you’d be a killer
And you know this…
(this is my reason…why I’m here…to quench the fire inside of you…put your demon to sleep.)

I’ve succeeded in something no one ever thought could be possible
…but it is…it has ALWAYS been possible.

…you know why?
Cos I see you.

Only you.

if you’re going to commit the same mistake?
i wont allow you to do that to the people you have to live for
you can’t kill them again
that’s why im here
…this is my reason

to quench the fire inside of you

a second in his arms
is like an eternity never enough
"How can you be…right here…and I still can’t have you…?"

THE WORST WAY OF MISSING SOMEONE, IS SITTING RIGHT BESIDE THEM, KNOWING YOU CAN’T HAVE THEM

For a moment there was hope…
For a moment…I felt joy
(just a moment though)
when I saw her…
remembered everything she is to him

…hope was lost
and a new one rose

I may not be the one to hold you
I may not be the one to love you
I may not be the one to kiss you
I may not see you again
I may not feel you again
but the fact that I do not die today
or any other self-driven day
is testimony of my heart’s only

…I wish I were the one

I can’t be

This sadness is whelming inside of me.
I…
I can’t fight it off.
I know…it doesn’t make sense
(it being my feeling and all; that i have to control myself)
But that’s just it…
You can’t control love
Not really
No…
You…you can’t.

I wish I could
I wish I could stop loving you
Cos…
I know it’s what you want
…but I can’t

And I’m sorry…

…I’m not sorry cos I love you.
I’m sorry cos…

I’m not sorry for it.